Swan Song

So today is the first day of the rest of my life....again! I am all out of words for the moment. I found out today at 5pm that I no longer have a job which was not a complete shock, but was still troubling none the less. My position was eliminated...truth be told, while I am not pleased with how it went down, I am not completely disappointed. I hated that place - the only good thing about it were the people. But the atmosphere has been so negative lately - every week a person "resigns" or puts in notice. At any rate, it's on to something new....we'll see where life takes me.

Ambitious?

So here is the self impsed list of things to do at work yesterday.

6:30am Begin logging footage for video project
9:00am Watch past client video in preparation for meeting
10:00am Complete departmental timesheets
Noon: FInd stock footage for video project
1:00pm Lunch
1:30pm Take cab to client's office
2:00pm Meeting with client
3:00pm Continue logging footage for video project
5:00pm Watch poetry video for promo project

And here's what actually happened:

6:00am - 6:30am - Search for a place with current to log footage since we had a power outage on Sunday
6:30am - 7:00am Begin logging footage for video project
7:00am - Power goes off just as I am about to log the last shot on the first of 4 window burn dvds
7:15am - Begin relocation to my desk - at least I can type up the notes I have so far
7:30am - Run into panicked co-worker in the hall in an attempt to send a fax (that didn't work); in addition, I run into other co-workers who are attempting to resolve the power outage issues.
8:00am - Wait for computer to re-boot; Begin typing up notes
8:30am - Informed that power would be going out again in my area; save work
8:50am - Heck, might as well go to Starbucks
8:55am - listen to abysmally long story of colleague's weekend as he shamelessly tries to flirt with me
9:00am - jonesing for my caffeine fix;so encourage colleague to wrap up story; go to Starbucks - get caffeine and then go to CVS to purchase fantasy football magazine; they are out of stock.
9:05am - Return back to work; re-boot computer
9:10am - Send out email to remind department to turnin timesheets and paperwork from the previous week
9:15am - Realizing that I won't receive all the timesheets anytime soon, go set up to watch client video
9:30am - Watch and take notes on client video
10:00am - Start calling the same folk who never turn in their timesheets on time to remind them to turn them in; make pre-mature lunch plans with co-worker at noon
11:00am - Continue processing timesheets; get annoyed that as with every week I still don't have them all even though they are due on Friday
Noon - Continue checking timesheets and crosschecking them with paperwork; still annoyed that I don't have all of them yet.
12:30pm - Finally receive all timesheets - start doing weekly summaries
1:00pm - Still doing timesheets - anxiously devour a few handfuls of trail mix to keep from passing out
1:15pm - Make copies of all timesheets (phew the copier didn't jam this time); turn in timesheets
1:30pm - Take cab to client's office
2:00pm - Meeting with client
3:30pm - Realize that I have no chance of completing a lot of the items on the list above; so I warm up my lunch
4:00pm - Complete lunch; go to accounting to discuss billing issues; run into friend in hallway
4:15pm - Friend has one of her friends with her and asks to print something from my computer
4:30pm - Friend + 1 go to my desk and friend begins surfing the net for whatever she needed to print out. +1 begins an animated discussion on her cell phone
4:34pm - Go downstairs to log that last shot on the dvd from this morning
4:45pm - Go back to desk - friend +1 are still there; hmmm - try to re-send fax from earlier this morning
5:00pm- Fax finally successful - but friend +1 are still at desk; realize that the list is hopeless at this point and decide to chat with friend +1 for a few minutes in between returning emails and phone calls
5:30pm - Wish friend +1 would leave so I can have a minute of coherent thought; begin a futile attempt at trying to find office supplies; take the scenic route back to my desk in order to avoid annoyed co-worker in the hall
6:00pm - Friend +1 finally leave and I finish composing emails that require a little thought.
6:30pm - Wait fo train to Pentagon;
6:43pm - Train finally comes
6:50pm- Train arrives at Pentagon; run like mad woman to catch bus; bus pull off without me; drop a loud f-bomb at the thought of having to wait another 20 minutes for bus; apologize for f-bomb; only to realize that attendant made bus driver stop for a couple other people too; run like a banshee towards bus (in heels and a skirt)
6:51pm - Secretly wish I could punch bus driver for pulling off without me; calm down and try to enjoy the ipod tunes
7:15pm - Walk home
7:23pm - Fall asleep while watching Young and the Restless
8:15pm - Wake up to check the score of the Yankee/Detroit game; pleased that the Yanks are losing - calculate that they will be seven game back in the AL East; talk fantasy football with roomie
8:30pm - 11:00am - flip back and forth between baseball and football; play mindless video game; go to sleep
3:00am - Wake up to clip nails
3:30 - Begin typing this blog and preparing for another productive day
4:05am - Attempt to go back to sleep.

More Than I Bargained For

So lately, because my job is unstable and mostly sucks, I have been focusing a lot of energy on extracurricular activities. So in addition to the company fantasy football league, I joined a money league. I also joined two fall softballl leagues and the good thing about that is that they are both close to home and I will get to meet move VA people. I have been trying to get out a lot more just to take my mind off of....everything work related. It helps sometimes but apparently yesterday after almost waking up from a nap, I was slurring about how I didn't want to go to work and that I was gonna be late and then I went back to sleep. So it must still be there in the back of my mind.

Things at church have been ramping up and I am not sure that I want to give them the level of committment that I think it would take to accomplish everything they want particularly without a substantial pay increase.

I am still trying to get used to my new size - it's weird being able to fit size 4s and extra smalls. It's more weird to think that just 6 mos ago I was wearing larges and double digit sizes.

My friend is coming back in town for a conference this week. She is always like a breath of fresh air. She always inspires me to do what I love, which reminds me - I have a treatment to write.

Punked by a Pigeon Part III

So I am having a nice evening with two of my favorite people dining outside. We are caught up in conversation, sipping mango margaritas. I happen to look down as I am slurping and there is a fresh dropping of bird poop in my drink. Is this a sign? What is it with me and these freaking birds? I can't stand them. Our scare owl is on the way so we can put it on the balcony. Maybe then I can have plants. A friend told me that they (I am guessing they may be "the man")are going to give pigeons birth control so that they won't reproduce. Normally, I am not in favor of man interfering with nature's processes but in this case - I say get rid of 'em. Did I mention that I think pigeons suck....

I did get a new drink which helped ease the pain a little.

Big-Eyed Fish

That's what I think I am sometimes. Destined to live in the sea, but dreaming of soaring the sky. Perhaps my dreams are not meant to come true. Maybe I fail to comprehend the potential of the sea. I am in no position right now to grasp the beauty of the sea. I can only obsess about the sky and how I can get there. It is a long way from the bottom of the ocean. The thing about coming to the surface is that you get a glance of the earth and sky. So then you realize what you are missing or at least dream of what you want. The thing about fish though...is that they have to live in the water to survive. They can only come out of the water momentarily....I know what I want, but I don't know how to get it.

Perhaps I am like Icarus and my wings are melting.

Perhaps I am PMSing....ok the pity party is officially over - almost.

Frustration

Self-Induced Frustration

I take full responsibility for it. I had a great day on Friday and allowed myself to become optimistic. I was doing what I know is what I am supposed to be doing. I lost complete touch with reality and for a moment believed that things would get better or at least make sense.

Everybody I love is leaving me. In my own narcissistic way, I feel like I am somewhat of a black widow. It seems like there is some new development every week. Who am I supposed to eat lunch with?

What am I going to do with my life? More frustration....

The Rules of Drinking

Drink with meals i.e. don't drink on an empty stomach
Do not mix drinks.
Alternate water with drinks.


All great rules that I clearly chose to ignore Friday night at 1223 when I went out with a few co-workers. All you can drink from 6p - 9p for $20. Top shelf. So what do I do? Drank all I could drink from 6-9pm, no meals, no water and I mixed them. I was determined to get my money's worth....um yeah - not a good idea for someone whose alcohol tolerance is about 1.25 glasses of wine. I think I had about 6- 7 drinks.

I was feeling really great for a moment - dancing and happy. Then we went to dinner - except I didn't get to have dinner, because I spent the entire time I was there puking - on the table, in the bathroom, on the table again...this from a person who swore never to get drunk in front of co-workers. Good move.

They are never gonna let me forget that one. They were great though - they called my roommate and he came to pick me up. God bless him. That man loves me - anybody who will carry me home, put me in the shower and clean me up and make sure I get to bed without too much bodily injury - must love me, I vaguely remember falling in the shower and hitting my head (which I felt the next day).

He teased me incessantly once I was sober. I had a softball tournament the next day, which remarkably I was lucid and physically capable of driving and playing the next day.

I am heading back to work for the first time since then, so hopefully I won't get teased too much considering the plethora of blackmail photos.

TGIW

I have waited for this day! Thank God it's Wednesday, or better yet, July 11th. It is the day that I get new cell phone minutes! Last month's bill is going to be ugly. I had gone over about half way through the month... I can talk and text in peace again!

What I Learned Today

Want to develop the gift of gab? Then kiss the Blarney Stone. The Blarney Stone is a block of blue stone built into Blarney Castle in Ireland. It is said to endow the gift of flattery and eloquent speech.

Not a bad skill to develop...

So I am 30ish, not 20ish

That being said, I am going to call his ass and tell him how I feel. (see below posting)

Diplomacy Anyone?

I hate it when I want to express my feelings when I am angry or annoyed, but can't quite find the words to say. Let me clarify - I have words - often sandwiched between expletives, but I often let those words remain as thoughts. I feel the need to expand my vocabulary so that I can channel my feelings a little better.

There is a certain freedom that comes with expressing yourself - but I was so agitated that I was sure it was going to sound much worse than it is. But now that I think about it, I am not sure what the harm would be. I am the one he is attempting to inconvenience. I am not the one being inconsiderate.

So that's the other thing - I hate that sometimes I can't think of the right thing to say until well after the moment has passed. So...take that then - I think after the person is long gone.

So here is what is bothering me. LAST YEAR, Super Producer (SP) was inquiring about editing software, which my roommate just happens to have. Since I am always willing to help people out, I told him he could borrow it. So I dropped off the disk to him one afternoon.

Even then, SP was acting extremely skeptical and needy. We compressed all the files to one DVD, but I assured him that we tested it and it worked just fine. So time went by and occasionally, SP would call and give me the third degree about the software. Um, there is no law that says you have to use it. I rushed and gave it to SP because I thought he needed it then.

So a couple of weeks ago, SP called the house after 10pm. My roommate is a lot more understanding of this and a tad more gregarious. I tend to check the caller id and I won't answer if I don't feel like talking (which is often the case) So he answers, and then hands the phone to me. Um...this is my time, plus I had just gotten home. So it is SP and he has tried to install the program, but has had a couple of issues and needs some assistance.

Um, did I mention that I gave him the software almost a year ago? Did I mention that it is now after 10pm on a school night? Why the emergency now? WTF? Ok, so my patience is being tested because I feel he is accusing me of something and that he actually expects me to take my time and walk him through this after 10pm on a school night...I couldn't really help him anyway, so I let my roommate talk to him.

As it turns out, he needs software to unzip the files - but neither me or my roommate were willing or mentally able to deal with walking him through it that night. We were both really annoyed that we tried to do SP a favor and we felt like it was coming back to bite us in the backside.

So email addresses were exchanged and I think my roomie sent him a link to get the software. So SP has tried to contact my roomie who has not responded yet. So SP called me yesterday at work to find out about his software and mentioned that my roomie had not contacted him as of yet. This is when I felt my blood pressure rise. I wasn't sure how to say - wtf? How can you be so inconsiderate? How can you actually have the balls to expect not only me, but my roommate to help you at your beck and call, when you have had almost a year to resolve this? Instead, I told him that my roomie has a busy schedule and is not readily available.

I found that troubling that I couldn't say what I really feeling. First of all, I am not so sure SP should be using software that he can't figure out how to install. What next, is SP going to expect my roomie or me to show him how to use it? I think it's the whole "no good deed goes unpunished" thing at work.

So as I write this, I think I will call him and just tell him how I feel...or not...

A fine line...

So my best friend and I were in the hotel room trying to settle the expenses. I bought the Live Earth tickets, she booked the room, so I was planning on writing her a check for the difference. I planned so much that I made a mental note to bring my checkbook and I thought I remembered tossing it into my suitcase in between trips. But when it came time to write the check, my checkbook was nowhere to be found. I looked and looked and I must have seemed crazy, because I started rambling about how I had worked it all out in my mind that I was going to bring the checkbook and that I swear I thought I put it in my suitcase.

Maybe I am crazy... so I practically emptied the suitcase which was terribly unorganized at that point (not that it ever was organized) I didn't really unpack from the last trip. Still no checkbook. So I am thinking I must have left it at my desk at work since I was carrying my cute small purse, I probably left it in the "mama" bag. But I just couldn't imagine why in the world I would do that....I am at the point of insanity while contemplating whether or not I am insane or experiencing an early middle age meltdown. I mean - I could have imagined the whole thing. Maybe I dreamed I put the checkbook in my suitcase, but I never actually did.

So we ended up trekking out to Times Square and I found a bank - not my bank though - so on top of thinking that I am certifiable, I have to pay the stupid $2 fee. Talk about adding insult to injury. Yes, I am that anal about even small amounts of money. But I got over the fee, but it nagged me for a little while that night that I couldn't figure out where my mystery checkbook was hiding.

So last night after work, I am unpacking my suitcase and it appears that I have emptied it. I am about to put it up and there lodged between the lining is my checkbook. It was like it was there to mock me. My first thought which I screamed out loud was "I am really not crazy!" Never mind that I am talking to myself at this point.

Nice to be just CJ

This week I have spent more time with old friends than I have all year. Friends that know me by my childhood name. It felt so comfortable, like home. It was just nice to be away from my normal everyday life. It was so relaxing to just be myself - almost completely uninhibited and carefree. (If I was completely uninhibited, I would have gone to the club where you can dance on the bar last night at 1am.) I have had such a great time I am already planning the next adventure - although a little chill time by the pool would be cool too ;)

So Live Earth NYC was awesome - so glad we did it ;) Pictures to come... We had such a blast - we had pretty good seats - we sat next to the most adorable couple I have ever seen. They were an interracial gay couple and they were so great. There were screaming teenagers on our other side. They were so cute especially when Fall Out Boy came on stage. In front of us was a group from Peru - they were so entertaining - it was just a great time.

I have a hard time deciding which act was my favorite. It is a toss up between The Police, John Mayer, Kelly Clarkson and Bon Jovi. I like Dave Matthews too (naturally) but I was so bummed because I felt like I was being teased before they came on and then they only did three songs...arrgghh. I wanted an encore. The best was when John Mayer and Kanye West came on stage for "Message in a Bottle" with The Police. But Bon Jovi just took me right back to my childhood - ahhh when life was simple.

We packed a lot in this weekend, but it was all worth it.